Inglourious-basterds-poster

This movie sucked.

First of all, this site I find it both highly offensive and completely lame for Quentantino (to which he will from now on be referred, shop to save typing time) to co-opt another people’s history and try to re-write it so that it’s “cooler.”  (They kill Hitler.)

Secondly, why would you name a movie after a group of characters that barely get any screen time?  Why would the trailer for this movie: A) be cut in such a way as to imply that the aforementioned Basterds were the focal point of the picture when that is absolutely not the case, and B) showcase scenes that prominently feature the titular characters doing and saying things that do not end up in the movie?

Why?  Because Quentantino sucks, that’s why.  The man used up the last bits of his talent making Pulp Fiction.  Sixteen years ago.  He has made a career of adopting other peoples’ cultures and idiosyncrasies as his own in his ongoing quest for “cool.”  I really used to like Quentantino back when he thought he was black.  Since then he has become a joke, a pathetic charicature of Leo Getz, Joe Pesci’s character from the Lethal Weapon films.  Remember?  “Whatever you want, Leo Getz. Okay, okay, okay, okay…”  Quentantino does that same thing.  “Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay…”  Shut the hell up, you annoying ass!  In the years since Pulp Fiction, he has gone through several personality changes.  He tried to convince us that it’s cool to want to be a Chinese martial arts master, then it was cool to be a female stunt driver, and now Quentantino finally figured out what we’ve all known for years: being Jewish is cool.

Dude, how about making a movie about something that’s unique to your own personality?  Assuming there is such a thing…

I found this film to be offensive in much the same way as I did the film: Titanic.  The sinking of the Titanic was a tragedy.  People lost their lives due to the hubris (or chutzpah for my Jewish brothers and sisters out there) of engineers boasting, “UNSINKABLE.”  The victims of this tragedy and their families deserve a little respect in my opinion, humble though it may be.  They do not deserve to have someone come along and say, “I’m gonna make a movie that includes all the bare breasts and gun-play that was missing from the actual sinking of the Titanic.”

For example: I’m gonna make Die Hard 5.  John McClane is a passenger on the plane that hit the second tower of the World Trade Center on 9/11 only this time McClane is there to “Yipee-Ki-Yay-Mister-Falcon” the box-cutter weilding terrorists and lands the plane safely in the middle of Central Park.  Then he leads a team of Air Marshalls and N.Y.P.D. detectives to Afghanistan where they smoke Osama Bin-Ladin out of his cave and kill him with bazookas.  Now… how do you imagine the families of the victims of 9/11 will deal with the demise of their loved ones being used as the backdrop for entertainment.  I can’t imagine they’d be terribly pleased about it.

My biggest problem with this steaming pile is the wasted potential.  From the trailer, it seemed we were about to see a new Dirty Dozen type of film.  Instead we got a really boring French movie with about fifteen minutes of awesome in it.  Congrats, Quentantino!!  You’ve let me down again.  I don’t think we’re friends anymore.

I will say this, though…  Christoph Waltz’s performance was truly amazing despite the bulk of the film sucking a donkey’s nertz.

I realize this Film Review was not really a “Quickie,” but…  Meh…  Whaddayagunnado?